From DARK to LIGHT !! !!

Truly im not sure what im gonna write about here in this space. i just cant help but notice all the new people sending energy in my direction. i feel truly honored to recieve such love from so many. i have been really going through such changes within myself since i have eneterd this portal or officially in my eyes a gateway to another world. i remember coming in here and being so critical of everything i read and thought "Are you fucking kidding me? people truly cant be seriously behaving this way all the time." but here i am almost a year....heck i might have already passed my year on this site but either way i am here now and that what truly counts..NOW. what a wonderful place to be.. 2007 was a very powerful year change and growth for me...and my changes really beagan four years ago when my grandparents sold the house and moved to Silver City New Mexico. a beautiful old mining town. i truly enjoyed my stay with them when i went on my first road trip ever during the spring eqnoix..Which being as poor as i have been since they left would have never been able to make that trip..but one night in aug of last year i had a complete drunken break down. i was so over everyone and everything around me and i decided i was going to take my life. yup this very life which i cherish and adore now.

That night i was at my favorite place in the world. the queen bean coffee house. I worked there, i hung out there...um i pratically lived there. the energy that surrounds that place would blow all away. i secretly consider it the safe place for many indigo and crystal...oh hell names are just titles...but many higher beings roam that place...the owner doesnt realize truly what a beautiful place she has actually helped create...i cant give her complete credit for it..her and 2 of her best friends in the world opened theat safe haven up...they all three shared a dream..and unfortunatly what seems to happen to many loved ones when they enter a business together...the loving stitching which they created together began to come apart. little strings at first then a complete unrambling. The two loving men whom have a relationship which i adore ended up having to sell their shares. she was a solid 50% and each of them had 25%. great changes happend in that place...but the community continues to love and adore that place. She chases the dollar...im not trying to be judgmental im just presenting who she is right now...still a woman full of light...who has decided to cycle for a while longer...maybe its truly to be the magnent of light. i have had good and bad times with her. all perfectly mastered lessons and gifts. Lots of people hate this woman. and i also have had bad things to say about this soul. but the more i grow the more i see. and what i see is a massive light who has forgotten her heart by blinding her self with the glare of the dollar. see i looked up to her. for she was an older lesbian who helped birth such a beautiful baby. i have always dreamed of having my own cafe. i worked as an assistant manager at one of the fastest growing corporations. Starbucks Coffee. talk about working for some kinda wierd cult like family..haha! have many many stories and expierences from that cooperation. my worst working environment and my best working enviroment. how is that possible.. anyways when i moved my way up to management it took me almost three years to get there...i refused to kiss ass.. but i finally made it! they couldnt break me. it was amazing.. i had all of these plans...to get my own store so that i could hire my kind of people. the further you move up in a cooperation the stickier the energy becomes. however i was the new ace assistant. i had four district managers who wanted me...and i chose to work with a DM that i never met before. and the store i would end up in...was one of the worst stores in Ca. my favorite a troubled store. thats what im good at making something horrible flourish into something beautiful...have done it in all my jobs...top sells, top fee builder....yada yada yada. well once i became an assistant. my life began to change. i had been dating a woman...we will call her "Regine" for four years when i got my promotion. within a year her and i broke up. Aug 06. I began drinking and parting. i made a good check every two weeks..and couldnt help but love the money...and i became someone who i never had been. but it was a part of me that has always wanted to rise up. and i always kept her chained becasue of fear of what others would think...my girlfriend my parents my family...but the drinking and the money and cockiness and the sex apeal...wow was my ego being stroked. girls were in to me..parting was fun. i found my voice and a whole bunch of darker aspects of me. GOOD GOD did i not love each and every one of those dark aspects of myself...and then i started being late to work...i was stressed...and i was tired of working over 40 hrs a week as a slave to coffee...we were the drug to keep humanity chasing that dollar at a swift pace. get my drift... i was battling the fake people at wotk...i kept getting rail roaded. the people who i worked really hard at traing and promoting were telling my boss lies about me...i was so floor boarded. the see shelly this why you cant be a part of the baristas..you have to be all management or all barista...you can have both worlds...and i was like well the hell are we...nothing but baristas with a title.. she sais shelly let me tell you how to make it in this cooperation. you have to stop doing what you do. first pick the weakest link here...that is the person that you want to promote...if you pick someone that is strong they will take your job one day. but now you pick the weak one and you get them promoted and then everyone is wowed by the fruits of your labors. and i was like but i want these people to take my job one day...cuz im going to take yours one day. there is nothing to fear training like minded people. that is how you make a solid team. she looks at me and shelly you are the ace of assistant managers,,, this one over here is who im going to get promoted...she is going to make me look good..im the ace of the sotre managers...and why would i want someone to take my glory...or even share it? and so after that day i saw teh cooperation for what it was...i decided im going to open my own and make my own rules. well a few month went bye...i began killing a fith of jack a night. hell i would bring it to work and pour in into a 32oz soda from carls jr...and my drinking began at work...i ended up getting put on a final with no previous write ups after two incidents in a row happend. i met some chick from stockton...and i was vibing player out to the universe and what did the universe respond with? well my car broken into when stayed at her house one night... i called my work said i was going to be a little late cuz my car window was smashed and some of my shit was stolen... and then i got there a half an hour later then my scheduled shift. the next morning i get into my car and i drive to get gas before i work...and as im pumping gas....gas is going every where..i look under my car by my gas tank and my gas line is cut...i panic...my heart starts pounding everything seems foggy. what the fuck is someone trying to kill me here in stockton...im crying i calll my work and tell them what happened....well that day they put me on my final for being late again. and well within a month of that and all those fake people trying to get me in trouble so that i will be fired...and the fact that if you are on a final...then you cant become store manager.. and i was in line for one of the next stores. well i met these lesbians in modesto and the four of us began parting pretty hard together. and one night we got so drunk that we got a hotel room at double tree one night...and i guess we had a complete pillow and matress fight...i guess i was physically there but cant remember any of it. anyways they set my phone so that i could get up for work the next day...and well i woke up and was over my job and that part of my life. i knew if i called in then my job will be gone no questions about what happens on a final... so i call in and tell the new assistant well i wont be there today...i know its a half an hour before my shift...yes i know im on a final...yes i know i will most likely be fired...but basically here the issue...i cant seem to find my car...i cant remember last night and woke up in double tree with a reciept in my name for a 200 dollar hotel room....cuddled up with my best friend in bed...not sure what happened there..and well it took them a full week to actually fire me...becasue my manager was going to las vegas and they needded me to run the store while she was gone. when the day officially came both of my managers...the store and the district cried when they fired me. i smiled at both of them. i thanked them for my expierence..told them they need to toughen up...cuz they work for a cooperation and we are nothing but numbers that can be replaced...so dont get so attatched. both of them...but your were diffrent kinda special...you had such a future a head of you. i smiled and said i still have a future ahead of me. i will see both of you on the flip side. then i walked out. with no job..i felt free. a big relief from my chest and that was march of 07. everyone i knew thought i was stupid for leaving the best thing that ever happened to me...shelly you wont be shit without starbucks...you know just a lot of negativity coming from all directions... i had all kinds of credit cards and i had cash...and stocks from starbucks...and well i went on one hell of a drinking rampage......

I think im going to post what i have now...if your interested to know more let me know...but i think i have rambled enough for now...