Feeling Exposed!!

I woke up this morning with the unrelenting thought that it was time to stop hiding behind my ubiquitous avatar. I told Andrew and he chuckled then added "It's about time." Initially,(when I set my account up) I really didn't have any idea how the whole technology thing worked. But then I figured it out showed Andrew how to do his and then casually "forgot" about mine. Though, I managed quite easily on Facebook and Myspace. Why was that so much easier??? OH! I didn't really care about what those people thought about me. They were friends from "before". Old Jenn friends. From an old life. The Jenn they knew is no longer here so to speak. I was used to their judgments as well. It seemed so much safer. Isn't that strange???? Idealistically, many on here (at times myself included) hold the belief to be true that Lightworkers.org should be a "safe haven" an oasis from the "real" world. But, the fact remains people feel criticized for their beliefs, some may feel put down, some feel there should only be peace and harmony, love and light, absence of conflict...ONENESS...I actually would call it sameness.

The beauty in the "ALL that is" is to me, the diversity. The many different shades and colors to the same rainbow. It would be boring if we all were exactly the same hue. Where the hell's the fun in that? Also, it is in being confronted with our fears that we are able to release them. Learn and grow. Evolve. I still hold a little niggling fear of "what if they don't like me?" I believe that we all to some extent have a little bit of that fear as well. Why is that? Underneath that is the big fear that manifests in a myriad of ways. We hold onto people and relationships that no longer serve us. We hold on to beliefs that no longer bring us peace. We hold on to places that give us security. We hold onto our stories of the Ascension or our imagined Higher Selves/souls/I AMs. We hold onto each other here often for better or for worse. We hold onto the political/environmental/lack/injustice drama. We hold on to our ideas of how things SHOULD be. We hold onto our purpose or spiritual job/responsibility. We hold on to our global meditations, grid work, light work. We hold to the belief that not only can we but we should change the world. We in our little 3d limited mind existance have the power and responsibility to SHIFT the earth into a higher dimension. WHAT????!!!!!

Ascension/Evolution/Christed Consciousness/Enlightenment is happening with or without us. It is my belief that not only is it coded with in our DNA it is a process that has happened many times before (maybe not on this earth) and will happen again many many many more times. Whatever wonderment that is playing out is not playing out because of what we are doing. It is very very egotistical (of the mind) to think so. To think (as I once did) that I had a bigger better role to play in the upliftment of humanity than a monk in Tibet or a farmer in Brazil or a homeless man on the street. Well, what else could that be other than arrogance. I thought that my meditations were more powerful because I was "in the know" I was "awake". The world couldn't do it without ME!!!! Then my world crashed down and you know what???? The Ascension process got on just fine without my meditations, light sending, and crystal planting. It was a process happening regardless of me. SO where did that leave me???? To mind my own house.

I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't meditate, send light, pray, work with crystals. Why was I afraid? I was afraid of having no purpose. I was afraid of my existance being meaningless. I was afraid of not being needed. I was afraid of having nothing to do. I was afraid of surrendering. I was afraid of letting go. I was afraid of jumping into the void that surrounded me. I was afraid of being alone. I was......afraid of not existing!

That was the scariest fear to look at!!!!! It is the one that ultimately pops up every now and again. Why? Because that fear is the FEAR that is tied to every other fear we can possibly concieve. Not many on here are afraid of death or dying, because most hold a belief to be true that something happens after that transition. But, there is no proof in that. We can not actually prove that we exist. And that is where our heart stops. We can not prove anything. All the prayers and meditations and light sending. Meaningless if there is no "I" to send them from and no "you" to recieve. So then what happens?

For me, the realization that I am the pain that you are feeling, points to the part of me that also needs to be healed. I don't send you light as it only serves to magnify the pain within myself. When we realize that we are the conflict we see in the world around us we realize we can only bring peace to the world by bringing peace to ourselves. When we see Joy in the world we see that it comes from the joy we have cultivated and found within ourselves. When we look outside of ourselves for anything we will be forever searching until it is found within. So how do we raise mass consciousness...elevate our own. How do we bring peace in the world? Create the peace and stillness within. How do we create joy in our world? Find the gratitude in every single moment...even when you have nothing to be grateful for. When do we waken from the dream of separation and drama? When we have no more fears left to release. As long as we are trying to change things there is a fear there somewhere. In writing this I know that I had a revisit of my fear of being alone. Fear of speaking my heart when it means being strong. Fear of being exposed. Fear of being criticized. Fear of losing my new friends whom I have come to love. Fear of losing my place here on the website. Fear of not existing.

The beauty of allowing and recognizing these fears is that they lose their power. Releasing them allows me to be in peace and joy, freedom and ease, home again. For me it has been a colorful journey, a path that continues to unfold showing me always in ALL ways...When we heal ourselves, we heal the world.

Yours in Joy,
Jenn

www.healingunlocked.com