Reconditioning my thoughts.. random chatter that needs to come out of my head..

I really need to get some of the negativity out of me right now and thought.. what a good place to try and get some guidance from people who will hopefully not judge me.

So much is happening in my life and things that I never thought I would achieve, I recently married a wonderful man from Ireland, we just returned from spending a month overseas with his family. When I got home I got an official acceptance to start university in September and amongst all this other good things are happening as well, so when I look around me life is good, to some folks I have not much to complain about. The problem is my thinking, my perception, my fears and facing and looking at some of my past, I understand that it holds no power over me today or that it can no longer hurt me if I choose to let it go, but in order for me to understand that I am not a bad person I need to look at where I learned some of the responses and going on that venture back is bringing forth alot of emotional pain and causing much insecurities in my life. I have been clean off drugs for 20 months now and everyday is a struggle to free myself from my diseased thinking patterns that want to see me fail and go back to that lifestyle. The thing today is that I am aware of the love that I am, I feel it on my good days and know that I am part of something very specatucalar, I just wish that I could not feed into the thoughts of my mind and nurture my connection once again. I feel as though I am on shaky ground with my recovery from addiction and find myself entertaining thoughts of using again, and I truly do not want that, I do not want to go back to that life that was filled with violence and aggression, hopelessness and despair. I just want the chatter to stop...