Alone (thanks Utlah!) or is it Al(l)-one......

I was pondering Utlah's beautiful blog on being Alone when I had a huge epiphany. It hit like a hammer. No more light bulb moments for me. "OH MY GOD!!!! DID YOU EVER SEE THAT???????" I ask excitedly,"It has been there the whole time." "What?" he asks. "One" I reply as he looks at me quizically.

OK so after sleeping on it a bit here goes.

Alone

What is it that we as humans fear most? Dying? Don't think so most of us here have some beliefs about life after death and although there maybe some fears about dying we are not necessarily afraid of death. What is it that drives our beliefs? Why do we hold our beliefs to be true? Why do we search for a soul mate? Pine for children of our own? Hold on to the dream of a Twin Flame? Hold on to the belief that we come from somewhere and are going somewhere? Why do we feel the need for oneness? Why do we long for connection? Why do we hold on to relationships that clearly no longer serve us? Why do babies some die from lack of attention? Why do some elderly die from loss of a loved one? Why would people rather kill themselves than face their fear? Why do we look at others suffering and want to change it? Why do we look to change things in the world that we percieve as "wrong"? Why?

I would propose that the greatest fear mankind faces is the fear of being alone. ALONE. The word sounds so empty. So scary. Why are we all apart of this community? I know I know I know all of the standard answers spread light and love blah blah blah. But stop for a minute. Ask yourself. Why am I here? (I am here too so it applies to me as well) Understanding? Unity? Common cause? Empthy? Support? I don't want to be alone in this. I don't want to face my fears alone. I don't want to go through this healing process alone. I am scared of no one understanding what is happening to me. Alone. The fear of facing all of my fears alone I would rather die. Yet.......

We are being forced to face all of our fears....alone. The best anyone can do for us is... well...I am not sure as each of us is very different.

For me. My life was shit! So I stumbled onto my spiritual identity. Wow that felt good. The fairytale was a hell of a lot better than my "real" life. I lived in a fantasy world. Meditating, communing with the angels, planting crystals, astral travels, you name it. I felt like the queen of the world. I felt like I was changing the world. Ascension was going to happen because I was doing my part to MAKE it happen. Then my world crashed down around me. All of it. I almost lost my kids because of twisted allegations that were dismissed. My parents turned their backs on me. I lost my friends. I lost the website. I was on the verge of losing my job. I had lost my mental health. I was ALONE!

It was dark and very very very scary. I can understand why people would choose to cross over when faced with similar situations. I thought I didn't have any other choices. Nothing. Miraculously, someone I had previously pushed away was there when no one else was. He started me on the path of questioning my beliefs and looking at what I was creating. I was so angry!!! I didn't want to let go of my spiritual identity. It made me happy. Or did it? Where was the proof in the pudding? I hated him for telling me to take responsibility. All I had to do was just BE. That is what everyone was saying. I didn't want to let go of anything because without it I would BE......NOTHING!

I am sure most of us have had those moments of standing in a crowded room feeling completely alone. A stanger among friends. Not recognizing anyone. Alone. Some choose to drink or do drugs to avoid that feeling. Some eat. Some are obnoxiously loud. Some are promiscuous. Some laugh. Some meditate. Some search ceaslessly on the web for anything of meaning to avoid that feeling. Some join chat groups. Some have affairs. Some become abusers. Some become victims. Some pray. Some teach. Some preach. Some lead. Some follow. You get the idea.

Ultimately our fear of being alone creates the majority of our beliefs. Belief that we need others in our life. Belief that we need a purpose or a job. Belief that we need to help with the ascension. Belief we need our relationships with family and friends. Belief that we need a fulfilling romantic intimate relationship with some one else. Belief that we need to belong. From those beliefs we create corresponding behaviors. In fact all of our behaviors. We look for that someone special. We participate in global meditations or join a website. We try to be a great mom/dad/husband/wife. We demonstrate traits that we believe exemplifies those things. We try to be a good friend/employee/teacher/participant. Why? We need to belong because if we don't belong we are alone. If we are alone we are nothing. We have nothing to show for our existance on this planet. Nothing. It is as if we were never here.

Yet, the irony is that only after we have healed this need to belong, fear of being alone, dark night of the soul, only then are we able to see the all in the one.

You see it is only after we have dove to the depth of our soul by feeling and allowing all of the fear and pain of what it would mean to be alone or not exist even. The sheer terror of the thought of facing this fear drives most to push it aside for the majority of their lives or die before facing it. The fear is so grat that many have gone to great lengths to avoid it. Yet there is nowhere to hide. If you want to be free there is only one way and that is directly through this horrible life changing pain to the otherside. Where is the other side? Freedom, Joy, Peace and Ease.

There is where you will find yourself and your lack of self. The all and the ONE. The realization that ultimately you ever really are all alone. Yet you are as well all of those with whom you have shared a laugh, a smile, an angry shout. You are who you are because of those who have inspired you, supported you, disapointed you, shunned you, hurt you, victimized you. You were a willing participant in all of the events of your life. You designed them to bring you to where you are today. You are alone. And is this alone-ness you find.....

You are al(l)-one. May you face the biggest fear with all you are grace, courage, strength, most of all surrender...knowing that you always are and always will be in the arms of all that is.

You always were al(l)-one.

Yours in Joy,
Jenn

"When you heal yourself, you heal the world"

www.healingunlocked.com