Break Me (AKA The Scars We Hide) Pt. 2

Thank you all for commenting and reading the first part of Break Me, Which I decided to rename to "The Scars We Hide"...For reasons you will find out later ;) I present to you now, chapter two of The Scars We Hide. I hope you enjoy!

Rain drops are the pure similitude to human emotion. They may fall gently and passively bringing out the love buried deep within our hearts or recklessly and aggressively striking out on the innocent and weak. The fury behind the clouds is the darkness within our minds fueling the angry bolts to strike. I don’t remember how many times in my life I have cried. Sometimes I wonder, if the things that made me cry before would still make me cry today. Certain things wouldn’t affect me as much as they did before but there are other things that I know will always take my breath away and stab me right in the heart. Those are the life changing moments in which no one will ever be prepared to face. They are the sucker punches of fate.
I remember the first time I cried in front of him. While walking home from school one day, I found a folded lined paper note in front of my path. The curiosity got the best of me as I kneeled down and examined the letter. I was quite surprised to discover my name on the paper so I admired the beautifully sculpted letters that had become my name. Moments later, I gingerly opened the flap and finally opened the entire letter. My eyes skimmed the page and then I went back and took a second look. I read it three times in a row and could not believe what I was reading.
Thank you for smiling. It may have just been bright enough to blind me from finding my way to my father’s gun.
I looked around and saw him standing at his window. I looked into his eyes, and before I knew it the tears came pouring down my face. They were tears of absolute pain and amazement. How could this boy ever even consider taking his own life? And what was even more impossible for me to comprehend was the fact that he had accredited his change of heart to me. I had barely even spoken to him. I had remembered smiling at him, but of course he hadn’t acknowledged me so I had decided that he simply didn’t even notice. The intensity of his gaze deepened until it was as if he could see into my true heart. Tears streaming down my face I felt defenseless so I left my guard down. I could feel him reading me just as I had been reading him. The words that were spoken so clearly within our hearts suddenly became so clear to me, it seemed ridiculous that I had never considered them before. What the boy needed more than anything in the world was a friend. A person who would be there to help see the days go by and to be there when the nights alone seem to long. He needed me just as I needed him, although I would never admit it.
It wasn’t until days later that he told me his name. As we walked home from school within our silent world he suddenly stopped walking. Instinctively I stopped my pace and looked to see what had made him stop. The after noon sun was still beating strong down upon us and as the golden rays hit his skin, the rosy appearance of his scars became incredibly vibrant. Each mark stood out even more so making his arms resemble those of steamed lobster. His eyes remained void of emotion until he said,
“My name is Alex.”
I smiled at him and we continued walking along the sidewalk.
For a short moment his eyes flickered but they dimmed again as he turned his eyes toward his house. It took me a few moments to realize his hesitance as walked up to his bleak brown door.
“Why are you scared?” I asked quietly, praying that I hadn’t already overstepped my boundaries within this fresh new friendship.
“Wanna get out of here? I don’t need to be home any time soon.” He asked diverting my gaze.
I nodded and we turned back up the street. My hesitance must not have been to terribly apparent because he kept walking with out stopping. Our foot steps fell into a rhythm so hypnotic that I scarcely even recognized that we had been heading towards the alley. Looking around quickly, I asked a bit nervously if we could head towards the Ice Cream Parlor. It was dark and getting cold faster than I had expected. He obviously was as prepared as I had been for our adventure because he kept tugging on the sleeves of his dark jacket. He looked at me intensely and ran his long thin fingers through his messy black hair. He looked around tensely and then let out a long controlled breath.
“I don’t know about that one, kid. Are you really sure you want to be seen in public with a freak like me?” He said casually while hiding a hint of sadness within his passive voice. And then he held his arms out pushing the sleeves of the jacket past his scrawny elbows. I had obviously seen the marks before, but I had never had a chance to really look at them closely. Some of the marks were subtle, as if he had just been testing the sharpness of the razor. Others were deep and rough almost as if he couldn’t get the blade in deep enough. Never had I seen so many scars in my life as I did when he bravely bore his past to me. So open and trusting, he stood there as I gently held his arm and traced the lines with my fingers. It occurred to me, just as I had been tracing the deepest mark that the scars had never really mattered to me in the first place. It was his true heart and soul that I had been seeing instead of the scars left behind. His beating heart was loud and strong, but his will was even stronger as he stood there calmly and passively. Laying his arm down, I looked him in the eye, smiled and began walking to the Ice Cream Parlor.
We walked to the Parlor in silence. Our empty minds were soon filled with the puffy music of the Top 40 charts as we approached the bustling entrance. If we weren’t being ignored by our fellow classmates, we were the target of the vindictive and spiteful jokes.
“Oh how sweet! Emo Freak finally found a girlfriend!”
“Are you sure that’s a girl? Doesn’t look like it! Maybe he is gay now!”
Finding a seat as close to the back as possible, I slid into the red vinyl booth first as he followed behind. Alex’s hands were gripping the metal edged table intensely. His eyes resembled those of a trapped dog, constantly searching for a way out of the dangerous situation. Stroking the table’s edge I saw him begin to calm slightly. I offered a reassuring smile but it did little to still his pacing mind. I ordered a plate of French fries and he ordered a glass of water insisting that he wasn’t hungry. As the smirking waiter left I caught his eyes with mine.
“Are you ok?” I asked trying to make myself heard over the music.
“Do you really not mind being seen with me?” he asked wiggling the loosened metal edge of the table.
“Of course I don’t. You are my friend and I personally couldn’t care less what any of these freaks have to say!” I said with confidence I had not felt in years. He smiled softly with my use of the word freaks. After half an hour, I could see his nervousness begin to subside and he finally began to relax. After the French fries came, we joked around and teased each other just like any other table of kids. After attempting to toss French fries into each other’s mouths, we started a round of truth or dare.
“Truth or dare?”
“Dare.” I replied bravely, smirking at him for the added touch of visible confidence.
He looked around, searching for the perfect dare. When he came to it, his eyes brightened and then he turned to me. “Alright, I dare you to go up to the counter and order an anchovy ice cream Sunday!”
I laughed and then went up to the counter. The startled eyes of the waitress looked back at her manager as she whispered to me, “I’ll see what I can do.” I stifled a laugh and then busted out laughing when I saw the look on Alex’s face. It wasn’t until the waitress came back explaining the fact that they couldn’t authorize the making of an item that wasn’t on the menu that we finally calmed down. Alex’s eyes began to fade away once again, when he saw the other kids imitating his cutting by taking knives and running them down their arms. I looked at him, and then looked back at his sleeve covered arm.
“Truth or dare, Alex?”
“How about truth? Yea I’ll go with truth.” His said playfully, but no where near as excited as he had been earlier.
“How did you do it? Your cuts, I mean.” I asked slowly, looking deep into his steel gray eyes. Nervous about what to do with my hands, I took a long sip of my soda. He paused at first, looking at me with his eyes turning cold. I could tell he was sizing me up; trying to see if I was there to betray him. I felt his eyes penetrate me as if he was probing for my weaknesses in case I was trying to destroy him. He needed defense. And yet, he couldn’t find it. His hand anxiously began rubbing loose sharp edged metal plate and then he turned to me.
“Hey kid, this isn’t really what you want to talk about I’m sure. And anyways I don’t really like talking about it either. So how bout we drop it and I can stop wasting your time?” His armor flew up faster than I could block. The coldness of his voice was a deterrent against the warmness of my heart and I could do nothing to prevent it. Time was the key. In time, I knew that I would figure out a way to save him. But what if he didn’t want to be saved? I asked myself that question as well even though it was a waste of time to. He did need my help. I could see his eyes screaming just as loud as the scars upon his arms. I was in too deep and I wasn’t about to lose it all now. I would not give up.