"hOW AM i DOING?" Feed back Required

I'm on the inside looking out and the circumstanced in my life are so extreme and overwhelming causing so must 'automatic reactions' that I don't feel I can trust my own judgement.
For my birthday this year, my boyfriend of 3 years, and the first man I ever trusted or touched in my whole life, made it clear that his career and his friends and 'his' life, were more important to him that I ever would be. I watched him die right in front of me, and then walk out my door. It devastated me. I need someone to share my life with, not just share with me how their life is so reconciliation is impossible.
Then.........I don't know if you remember me telling you about Cynthia. She was homeless when I first found this place, so I let her stay here and get on her feet again. She grew into one of my best friends and by far the best room mate I ever had. Her story is nothing but success, once she had a chance. Only too successful.....she was excepted for financial housing assistance but the catch is, she has to move out. She's not allowed a room mate...:[ I won't even mention the fact that my rent is more then my total monthly income and now I'm facing eviction.
Now, I just found out, that the state is trying to put my grand children up for adoption. Dispite the fact that I gave up everything and imediatley relocated here when they were taken and have been fighting to get them back since November 27th of last year. Last time anyone would talk to me, a few weeks back, told me Jonnie was not ready. He would not even answer me about Aimee and no one will return my calls..I am floored. This is the same as genicide to me. I told them that these kids were the ONLY living relatives I had left! {with the exception of an astranged brother I was seperated from at birth that I found on the net 3 years ago.] I can't afford a lawyer. No one said I would need one! I don't know what to do.............
I can get another boyfriend if I really wanted to, and I will always be best friends with Cynthia and be able to see her no matter where she lives......but I can not replace my whole family! All that I have left in this world! I have already called the 'new case worker' 3x's. Think she's called me back?..............I just don't know what to do........
I got to tell ya, I can't give up. I know that none of this is happening to me because I'm a bad person or am suffering from some kind of karmic payback...
I don't know why any of this is happening and it's very difficult for me to look at this from an objective perspective.......I really believe, that the only reason I haven't lost it all together is because of the love in my heart for each of you, and others, so beloved in my life. When dispare consumes me I stop, and remember to breath. I close my eyes and I take my spirit to where all of you are .....a warm ball of comforting energy fills my heart, and I hold it there. I picture in my mind how I would smile if I could see you. I picture I would greet you with a kiss on the cheek or forehead. Then I give you a great big hug, until I feel the hug from head to toe. I pack all these thoughts, along with the cares each of you have, and i pack them in that ball of warm energy in my heart........and then it send it off! You know, it always reminds me of fireworks lol! I can see this single ball of energy go out and then bam, it turns into a whole bumch of little sparkling lights going in all directions! It's beautiful, and comforting............in that moment I am not sad........and I have you to thank for that...... Love bless ya........