Energy, Healing and Love ...

Let me start from the basics. For those of you who have read my profile, you will understand why I am not sure if I was born an Empath or evolved into one for survival ... irregardless, even though I knew I was empathic, I stayed clear of all things considered metaphysical (maybe I was afraid of being discovered). This is how I was introduced to energy, healing and my spirituality...

When I first started out, I had never even heard of energy healing, except what I had read in the Bible. Although, I found it strange that I would feel actual guilt when I knew someone was hurting or sick. Anyway, I understood that it used to happen, but had been told that was a different time and this is a different world. Healing without medicine was a miracle that only God could perform, was what I was told.

The problems began when I advanced from just an emotional Empath to the addition of physical empathy. You see, I was unintentionally absorbing the pain of those I came in contact with. The main problem with that is I am in the medical field and EVERYONE I touched was in pain. At one point the accumulated pain was so horrid that I could barely stand (I refuse to take pain medication). My sister (Doctor of Oriental Medicine), told me about energy healing/distance healing. I was desperate and willing to try anything. I knew that physically nothing could be done for me. Thus, I had people sending me healing; but to my great despair, there was no improvement. I was told about Reiki and how the healing occurs in the practitioner first, then the patient. It was explained to me that it was almost the same as what I was unintentionally doing, but with control and energy flowing out instead of being absorbed in. I was strongly advised to learn the process and get attuned. LOL ... I have been compared to an "ARROW" many times ... once my target is located, I go from point A to point B. Goal oriented, that's me.

I jumped in feet first! I had people try to send me attunements ... nothing, just like the distance healing. I had one man tell me that his attunements NEVER fail and they are ALWAYS VERY powerful. Nothing. I read books and books. I became obsessed in my research and I could not sleep: it was the only thing on my mind.  The books never talked about someone not being able to be attuned. What was wrong with me?! What was I doing wrong? I racked my brain, day and night and could not figure what was wrong. I called a woman I know who I consider to be wise and I asked her what I am doing wrong. LOL ... after a long spill about me having the innocence of a child, the experiences of a warrior, the mind of a scientist and the aura of a shaman.... it came down to this simple fact. I wasn’t accepting any of it. My higher self was rejecting it all. Ever heard the saying, "You are your own worst enemy"?     

Then she asked me why…Why?!  

I almost got angry. What did she mean? How was I supposed to know?! Was I doing this to myself? Why would I do that?

I thought about it and thought about it, all the while the pain was still there and it was taking me over a half-hour to get out of bed (and I was still going to work and absorbing more and more every day), but I couldn't stop thinking about it because I knew the answer was there ... somewhere.

The fact is ... I considered 'healing' a gift (remember the God-like miracle I spoke of earlier?) and I felt unworthy of such a gift ... so I made it into a curse because I was able to accept that. In essence, I was torturing myself. I cried ... at first for the inner-child that felt she deserved the punishment ... then with frustration (I would rather go against a whole group of angry cannibals than try to fight my inner-child (she is sooooo stubborn)).

Anyway, one day I knew what was right for me and I settled the issue with my stubborn inner self. I had to accept my life, accept my past ... accept EVERYTHING ... then forgive and then ... most importantly ... wait for it ... do I have your attention?  I had to love myself. That sounds easy, but it wasn't. I was a perfectionist. I was supposed to do everything perfect and was intolerant of anything less. In others, I was loving, very tolerant and often counseled others about not being so hard on them selves. I was a hypocrite.

I have heard of people learning or attuning to different modalities of energy healing and it becomes diluted. I never considered that ... I thought of it as education ... I was just learning, growing, and becoming. I have not had a problem with the energies diluting one another, but truth be told, I do not practice it traditionally, but it works none-the-less because I believe it will.

I now combine the healing and the empathy. As it was in the beginning, so it shall be in the end. When I perform a distance healing, I connect with the person empathically, and then remembering how I healed myself ... I accept the past, accept who we are and what we have done, forgive us, understand that we are all one and allow myself to fill up with love. The energy flows and continues, even after the session is done.

This is what works for me at this time.

If this helps anyone, then the blessing is truly mine.