Just random thoughts.

I have not journalled all week. Sitting here in my hotel room, watching a documentary on The Who. I am kind of amazed at how much Laurence looks like Roger Daultry. See told you it was pretty random. At some point in the night, I was dreaming again about being back in my little hometown, driving down the street and end up getting hit from the front by a dump truck and hit from behind by a compact car. Next the scene switches to my passenger in the car, an older gentleman I used to work with in Minnesota, laying on a cot in someone's driveway waiting for paramedics to come. my mom is in the driveway with him, irritating the crap out of me. I start walking down the driveway and another car goes by turns around and hit the car in from of the driveway and proceeds to park as if he didn't hit it to begin with. I said something to him and he flipped me off or whatever, and I screamed at him, "are you f'ing kidding me???" At which point, I was sitting bolt upright in my bed at the hotel, because I screamed it out in real life. By the way, sorry to the patrons in the rooms on either side of me :)

This whole previous scene was preceeded by me walking Sammy Jo to school.. and realizing we didn't have her socks, or shoes.. something we needed. I was yelling at her and carrying a large load of laundry in my arms and I had to keep stopping to pick up random pieces I dropped. Very irritated by the time I realized she was missing stuff. I realized at this point we were going to be late if I had to lug all of this stuff back home with Sam in tow, so I asked her to wait there with our stuff while I went back. Getting back was ridiculous and I kept getting stopped and it took forever. I finally get what I need and get back to the place i left her, only to find she was gone. I end up finding her at her school.. she got tired of waiting for me. I absolutely hate that panicked feeling.

Lately, all of my dreams have surrounded my hometown.. a place i love and hate all at the same time. too many memories and feelings attached to it, some of which are just not all that pleasant. It is kind of funny when I think about it. Feeling great resistance to something and yet drawn to it like a moth and the flame. My expectations are always out of whack when I go home. All of the goofy memories of being ostrasized or looked down on because I didn't have the "right clothes" or the fact that everyone probably knew my family was a bit off. Instead of continuing on in bad clothes, I worked a lot and bought the most off the wall stuff I could find. Ah, the 80's. Thank God for bandana's and aquanet hairspray, dippity doo and fishnet stockings :) Oh, and hair gel. REALLY BIG earrings. SHirts with side collars and craploads of snaps. Seeing how short i could get my hair cut - shaved up the sides and then dyed maroon or bleached out with peroxide and lemon juice :) Sometimes, I think it would be cool to go back to that whole non-conforming, in your face f' off kind of attitude. Oh yeah, then I realized i never lost it. THere is no better feeling than when I wear my crystal these days and the looks and comments I get from people. Absolutely hilarious. C'est la vie. Have a great day! Love, Karen