Letting Go of Loved Ones

Learning to let go of the ones we love can prove to be more difficult than letting go of issues within ourselves. However, it is necessary for spiritual growth to do so. Whether it is with our children, parents, spouse, or other soulmate, allowing them to experience their own life is crucial.

It seems to come naturally to try and take over for the ones we hold the most dear because we want to protect them and shelter them or to help them to learn from what we see as "the same mistakes we made." But in reality there are no mistakes, only lessons learned. And the lessons we learn we have to go through and experience on our own. We cannot take another person's word for it if it is our destinly to find these things out for ourselves. Further, what we may view as someone living life "the hard way" may be a beautiful experience for them. Nobody holds the perscription for the "right" or "perfect" way to live. However one chooses to live as long as it is in harmony with their thoughts, emotions, and desires is the perfect way to live for them.

You may have a relative who has no money to speak of and seems to have little ambition. The rest of the family may feel it is their duty to lecture them and send them training school brochures to help their loved one get "their act together". But in reality this family member may be just fine. Their priorities may just differ from those in the rest of the family. That is just one simple example. Sometimes (most times) things are more complicated. Sometimes we even have someone close to us who is being hurt either by themselves or another and we want to step in and help them in any way possible. But even in a case like this we must be willing to let go and allow the other person to own their own problem and have control over their own life. Even during interventions with addicts the main idea is to let the person know that you are letting go and handing their issue back over to them to deal with. Only when they own it themselves can they even begin to try and solve anything.

I know when I made the decision not to return to full time work after having Abbie, a lot of people judged me. One family member told me I would be living like trash if I did not send my child to daycare and go back to work. There were many judgements simply because my priorities differed from other people's. I am a spiritual person. I exist more in spirit than I do in the physical world. I need to be at peace spiritually. Selling out (creating conflict between thought and action) is just not an option for me. I could not, would not, and will not ever sacrifice what I feel I need to do with my children for something that I personally find as meaningless as money. I know saying money is meaningless is almost blasphemous to people these days, I felt like I could hear gasping as I typed the words. But that is my viewpoint on it. I totally respect and understand other viewpoints. I have no judgement for those who take other paths in this regard. There are plenty of wonderful, happy families who do things another way. But this was my way and what I decided. It's where my head was at the time.

Those who did not openly judge tried to "help" us by giving us money and gifts. As much as we love and appreciate these people and their generosity, I realized rather recently that this, much like in the case of enabling an addict or co-dependent, was a means of control yet again. They cared about us so much that they saw our "problem" as their own and thus felt they needed to solve it for us. I don't mean to be ungrateful for this or judgemental. To have emplathy and kindness is wonderful and I do the same things myself with the people I love but I realized that by doing this it took the ownership of our life and our issues from us. It robbed us of the experience and so we have been forced to continually repeat the experience over and over again because each time we do not get to fully be in it as someone else is constantly taking ownership and "bailing us out."

I know there is nothing harder than allowing your children the freedom to make mistakes and be hurt. Just leaving my daughter at nursery school was like having someone rip out my heart. I can only imagine as she and Christopher get older how much harder it will be. I will want to rescue them and shelter them from all pain, all worry, everything. And I cannot even promise that I won't try. I shared a body with these people and they began their lives feeding from me. That connection will never subside. I will always and forever feel their pain and experience their joys. Not taking ownership of their "problems," problems I will no doubt blame myself for, will be my most diffcult challenge in life. Even as I type this I say a silent, irrational prayer that they will have no problems...ever.

So I undersatand how hard it is. But I also know it is necesarry. We must learn to let go of those closest to us and allow them to expereince whatever they require for their own personal growth. We must respect their choices even if they are not the same choices we would make, even if they differ from the norm. We must honor one another and love unconditionally. We must be willing to say to those closest to us, "I honor you and your path. I love you enough to let you travel it. I am here if you need me but your life is your own and you have a right to live it as such."

But we're all one so isn't this contradictory? Not really. Although in reality we are all one being, we have chosen to experience this existence in an infinite number of diverse ways. One way we do this is by experiencing as individuals. Each soul has already decided what they want to experience and learn prior to arriving here on the Earth plane and when they are not allowed to expereince it fully or learn the lesson required, they will continually repeat the pattern until they do so. And once they learn their expereince, thoughts, and emotions are added into the collective unconscious so that we all on some level now know what it is like and have yet another path and lesson completed. So do not hinder the soul's educational process if you can help it. Of course, you may be a part of it yourself and they may be a part of yours as well. Learning to let go of one another could be your lessons to learn!

Aren't we supposed to help one another and live in love and harmony with our fellow man? Yes definitely. But there is a difference between helping in a state of love and freedom and helping by stifling, judging, and taking over. If your best friend is broke and happy then stop urging her to get a better job and a better house. But if she wants to make more money and needs to take classes in order to do so, then help her stiudy. Let the other person take the lead. And if you would like to help them first ask them if they want your help. On a soul level they will know whether or not they should accept it and will answer you accordingly. If you have someone close to you who is hurting themselves and it is tearing you apart to see it, you may have to tell them that you need to separate yourself from them until it is all over. You may need to say, "I love you and I respect the path you are on and the choices you are making but on a personal level it is damaging to me to see this. When you decide you would like to change this situation I will be there to assist you if you would like my help but until then I must let go of this situation and leave it to you." If someone is not raising their children the way you were raised, or not eating as healthy as you do, or dating someone you find repulsive, well in those cases, just get over it and realize it's not your life and not your choice and despite what you may feel in your heart, you do not know the best way to live, you only know the best way to live for you.

Trust in your soul mates, trust in your God, trust in the Universe, the All, that things are exactly as they should be and it's not up to you to save each person. You do more good for the world when you let go in love than when you help out of fear.

Namaste.