Christmas trees and reluctance

Strange, I've been going around lately feeling that I'm right on the verge of something huge. Now I have a feeling whatever it is has arrived today...that it's right here for me, all I have to do is reach out and grab it.

BUT...there's a strange reluctance in me at the same time. It doesn't feel like fear...exactly. I don't have a word for how I'm feeling. It's like on Christmas morning when you awake to find a beautifully decorated tree, lights sparkling and beautifully wrapped gifts underneath. I don't know if this makes any sense, but there's this few moments, before you dive into unwrapping your gifts, when you feel a vauge sorta sadness because it's such a beautiful picture, just the way it is. We know that the excitement and anticipation that has filled us for, well, however long, will change. The picture will change. It's a good change of course. Everyone exchanges their love and joy in the form of gifts, and everyone is happy. But, for just that few moments, it seems a shame to disturb the beauty it is.

I dunno if I'm explaining this so that anyone can understand, but right now, I'm in that moment right before the first package is opened. I am standing here looking at my life and I see how amazing it actually is. I am happy. I am at peace. I have no need to heal or fix anything. I am perfect. Universe is perfect. I'm almost scared to reach under the tree and accept my gifts, in case everything changes.

I suppose fear of the unknown must be what it is. I have this very strong inner feeling that whatever comes next is gonna change me and my world in a big dramatic way. Don't get me wrong, moving forward on my spiritual quest is my heart's desire. I am excited to see just what Universe has wrapped up and gifted me with. Yet, here I am hesitating.

Maybe I'm just savouring the anticipation and excitement? I dunno...I am surprised to find myself hesitant. I thought when my opportunity came I'd rush in.

Thoughts anyone?

yarra