Calling All Lightworkers

I so need your help. It angers me to say so, because that in itself makes me feel like a failure. I never considered this a place to snivel. That's why, dispite the incouragement of many of you for me to write.to spit it out.to allow me some feedback.........
man. that's just not what I'm about. I take a lick'n and keep on tick'n no matter what.......my purpose is to heal and comfort others, not be a burdan basket that should be rightfully left outdoors.
I've written several blogs here lately, and then I delete them. I don't want to bring anyone down...
the things that have been going on are...........well.everytime i try to write i fall apart, and get so confused.and just can't see the logic for the tears!
so i immediately delete them You know the only thing, save the Holy Spirit of Love that keeps us from ever really being truly alone
is family
and when you've never had one
the birth from your womb encourages you that there is hope
hope.see...that's the thing. I'm loosing hope and it's the only thing that has kept me here my crazy unbelievably suffered life.
and i look back.....i dont mind the suffering
it's so complicated to explain what the system is doing to my family. I mean i thought aressting my 5 year old grandson for falling apart because he wanted to call and talk to his dad.i mean they arrested him! Hauled him away from his 3 year old sister in a cop car
im sorry.im having a REAL hard time digesting that
i can't talk about it.that was only the filler.the icing on the cake pushes me to the brink of insanity
i have to be strong
i need a sound mind not cluttered by my pissedoffedness and hurt
i stumbled upon one of my hero's philosophy a minute ago....
isn't it ironic.from my buddy albert einstien:

"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving...

"I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves -- this critical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts -- possessions, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible. "
even still, you know, I still wish for you all such love and blessings beyond what my heart sees or feels right now.
sorry for not being stronger
i mean.damn it...I have always been the mother of chi. my whole life. a stupid annoying optimist
please pray for me............