First time....

Hello ALL..it's my first time writing in this kind of format online. I'm not the most computer literate, and still haven't recieved a verification or confirmation e-mail since recently joining, so I wonder if this will go through.
ANYway, I have interests and can identify with SO much of what I've read on this site so far.I really enjoyed the writings I was able to find about twinsouls, and soulmates, soul families..etc. There are so many people to me that I feel I "recognise" from far more than just this particular lifetime! I've had past life regressions, but seem to get dreams and vivid spontaneous waking imagery of past lifetimes, and relationships, and can appreciate how everything works out as it does.
My twin has passed from this life already, but I met him at just the right time in my life. No other relationship could claim to be like this one was, a love so pure and unconditional.I have spoken and written about it often, but only recently have read about this from other sources, and so much of what I've read, I've said myself. I met my twin at a time in my life that I was seriously considering opting out of life altogether, and my self esteem was non-existant. What amazed me so much about this man, was when I looked into his eyes I saw/felt so much at once...and one thing special to only this relationship was something I never thought I'd find, and that was he reflected myself, my inner soul self, back to me to look at. I've wrote about it often, and didn't know quite how to express that part of it.The biggest surprise, was, that one, there is unconditional incredible love all around to live for, and two,that who I really was inside was something totally apart from my ego, or sense of self at the time.(I actually liked what I saw, where I can always see the good in others at that time I felt like there was little to no good in myself, so I was shocked, even) We were telepathic, and able to find one another at anytime, without prior intellectual knowledge of where the other was....like a kind of tracking device of the soul. B/c I feel we both had to work on some things, we both were not ready for certain things, inside of ourselves, and that is why we stayed in touch for years, but couldn't really live together for long periods of time, though he's always with me anyway.I had the feeling we were getting close, to what I felt would be a "gift" lifetime totally together in every way,having learned our personal lessons,and be reuinted for good. All of these things I couldn't "prove"...but intuitively knew and was confident in what I felt.
My twin also prepared me emotionally and spiritually for all the rest of my relationships.He taught me to open, to love fearlessly and to have more soulful and meaninglful relationships no matter what kind. He would be around to talk to until he died, about any relationship. One other interesting thing was there was no jealousy for either side, we loved each other completely, but were aware we had karmic relationships to work out, and there was no feeling of threat, no matter who we might have been with or not, b/c we both knew some things are transient, and this thing between us would be everlasting.Another interesting thing about it all, looking at it and feeling how I do now, is that since he passed,I no longer have that bittersweet longing to see him,or have confusion or wonder at times how it just wasn't meant for us to share more of our lives solely together.I would miss him terribly all the time,even though being in a couple committed and equally amazing, though entirely different relationships.I would still long for him so, esp.when feeling depleted,or drained.....I'd have such a hole in my heart at times,even though I understood it on an innate level.Now that he's shed his earthly body, I don't miss him like that,he is right here,whenever I need him, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
A little over a year ago, the man I was with for several years(he was 23 years older, but there was no age difference, partly b/c he looked so young and acted it, partly b/c we were in tune with each others souls, age irrelevent as far as earth years)also suddenly died.He was a soulmate of mine for sure, I will love him forever, and from the start, knew he wasn't a new soul to my soul circles. He was a guy that in the begining,was a bit possessive, esp.around other men. What I found incredible was that he met my twin several times(I also, with this man, for the first time felt realjealousy at times, but we both got less threatened over time)....and anyone that saw us(twin and I) together could feel the strength of ourlove and connection, which he did, but was never jealous of my twin. He said he knew that that was simply a part of me,an extension, and actually nurtured that. This man, my soulmate, on the other hand,I miss terribly with a terrible feeling of loss.I can also feel him around me in spirit, and he makes himself known to me as well. His death was so sudden and unexpected,that it has devestated me in many many ways. I shut down almost, for such a while now, only recently have I really wanted "in" on life again, besides going through the motions in areas I used to love to dive into emotionally and spiritually.I know he wouldn't want this for me,and there's so much more to any story. Like I am conquering some deadly demons,and learning how to rely back on love again,and want to grow as much as possible again, letting more people and love into my life again,so am glad to be here,for one thing.
I'd like to thank everyone for signing in my guestbook,I couldn't figure out how to really write back yet....lol....like I said I'm a bit slow with computer savvy, but am willing to learn.....:)karmickiss...(T)