Thoughts & Experiences - June 5, 2008 (Destination Within)

(I have been writing about a magical journey, a journey within and this is another part of it. I had to condense the story because it was longer. (One day I will be able to finish it all))

As the path widens and the sky opens up I am shamefully left with a feeling of concern. When I first commenced this magical journey my eyes were so open with fascination. For some reason or another they now squint with a touch of discernment. I don’t mind much because even with squinted eyes I can see. These eyes have been witness to so much, the truth now rests within them. The journey has made me realize certain things, things I need to worry about. The belly laugh that led me into the forest is now a tad more controlled and reserved. Do I miss it, of course I miss it! I miss the feeling of my entire body sharing in the joy of laughter. My belly aches wanting to know why I have restricted it but I don’t have time for explanations. Not everything is about fun is it? However it was fun when I didn’t worry so much, maybe it was better when I didn’t know so much? Now that I have seen and heard I cannot remember how to balance. When I am at peace and enjoying the moment I wonder if I need to be more serious, more concerned. The weight on my shoulders has been getting heavier and heavier and I just want to drop it. Why didn’t I just stay on those magical farms? Those farmers had everything I needed and more! Could they be right, is there nothing better! Is there nothing more to this journey? It can’t be that way it felt so empty, as if something were missing. I have walked for so long and I haven’t been able to rest it seems as if I am walking to nowhere. The magic is wearing out and maybe it’s my fault or maybe that’s what needs to happen. When does this journey end and when do I finally arrive? I must rest now I need to find a quite spot where I can close my eyes for a little. My thoughts are running wild and I cannot control them, the sky has darkened once again.

“Hey you why are sleeping, you are missing such a marvelous sky. Look how blue and clear it is. Can you see the fairies floating around, look over there!” What fairies, what blue sky, all I see is a sky and it is the same sky I saw yesterday and the same one I will see tomorrow. “No, no you are mistaken and you have never seen a sky like this! Look closer and you can see rainbows, tons of them.” I remember seeing rainbows, I remember chasing them. The fairies are all gone I saw them before but now they must have left! “What are you talking about, they are right next to you, open your eyes and see them!” No fairies, I already told you that they are no longer here. I have traveled for so long I am tired and frustrated, please do not mock me. “I am not mocking you I am only trying to show you what you are missing. Try not to focus so hard, you must look with your heart and not your eyes! You have unfortunately burdened yourself with so much concern and judgment that you have forgotten to see. When you first opened your eyes you absorbed everything without opinion now you need to know how and why.” What are you saying, my eyes are fully open can’t you see them? Don’t laugh at me I don’t feel so good. “No, you do feel well you just forgot how too feel! Just like your eyes you no longer feel because you over analysis, you no longer enjoy the flow. You stopped being in the moment dear friend, you stopped seeing through the eyes of a child. You put expectations on everything and now you are numb, you are so numb that you don’t see or feel.” I do feel numb and weak, I miss seeing the fairies, the beautiful rainbows, where have they gone? “They haven’t gone anywhere, close your eyes and put your hand on your heart. Now when you open your eyes you will be present, you will be in the moment. Your judgments and opinions will be replaced by enthusiasm and passion.”

I can see it all, I can feel it, and it is all a part of me! “We search and search only to realize that it is all within us. You are the destination and the journey is your life! We believe that we must get somewhere when in fact we are already there. You start from the end!” Don’t leave me I don’t fully understand! “What is there to understand, feel it, live it, and be it! Be the light and love that you are, stop searching for what is within you. You don’t need a journey to know who you truly are for you are the destination!”

(If you are wondering who the heck the farmers are, http://lightworkers.org/node/11437)

Namaste, Peace and Love!