Great Messages of Light

Okay so just to recap something from the other day....

*Husband's paycheck was garnished due to an old student loan- I was okay
*Husband lost wallet with money orders inside to pay bills- I said it is all part of a divine plan
*I broke the baby's crib- and had a meltodown for a few minutes
*I fixed the crib- felt better
*I then called a shelter to see if they needed my old maternity clothes and some toys- wound up being offered job and volunteer opportunities that excited me and ignited my passion. I feel that I am completely on my right Path.

So basically I handled some major hurdles pretty well. But when I reached a low point and got upset I picked myself up and then things seemed to turn around for me.

Okay so here is what happeend yesterday:

*Leaky shower- it'll be alright
*Exploding toilet pipe- ruins ceilings- I was okay.
*Energy company comes here and shuts off power- I handled it, paid them to keep it on, stayed calm but after they left cried and got stressed out and disorganized, starting and stopping projects.
*I find college transcripts and make decision to just go for nursing school and become a psych nurse. I begin application and call school.
*As soon as I do this I get a call that my husband's wallet has been turned in, money orders and all. I feel I must be on my right Path.

I feel like there is a pattern here. Handle the bad things. Try to find the blessing in them. But as soon as I do let myself feel really low that's when things turn around for me, which doesn't seem quite right to me but is how it is working right now. As soon as I feel really overwhelmed and upset that's when things happen for me....

I am trying to figure out how this is working because I feel like I may be onto something here. I am thinking maybe the strong negative emotions carry so much power and if I harness that but turn it around and into something positive- fixing the crib, registering for school, giving to charity- the strength behind these actions, the strong emotional responses, are large enough to very quickly manifest into something- almost immediately. Errr....I feel like I almost have it but not quite...

When my husband lost his wallet he was so upset. Especially adding that to the wage garnishment. But I really believed it was all part of God's plan. I told him even if this really winds up taking everything from us we'll still be okay. There is a reason. I totally believed this.

And now I can see the reason so clearly. Without that happening, without really hitting such a low I would have continued to procrastinte getting back to school and getting a job. I've been procrastinating for a good long time. When the wage garnishment happened I looked into different majors for school. When the wallet thing happened I decided nursing might be the way to go instead of finishing the transpersonal psych and going for the masters (too long). When the power company came here I finally said, "Alright that's it. We cannot live like this anymore!!!!" So I went ahead and started the process of getting into school. No more doubt about the major, no more procrastination. It just needs to be done. I can't mess around anymore. My husband and family keep saying, "Nursing? Do you know what you are doing? Is that really what you want?" And they have instilled a little doubt. Is it really what I want? Not really. I want to practice therapy- that is what I have always wanted. But when I get my masters in psychiatric nursing I can do that and in the meantime I can make decent money for my family with just my RN. And I will work in a psychiatric hospital or clinic and I will help people because I will see what they are going through and I will be able to help them to see it too. Maybe it is not what I had hand picked for myself but I think the circumstances made it such so that this became my only option because this is what I am supposed to do. To show me I am doing the right thing, the wallet reappeared. Or even more than that it was as if the Universe said, "Okay you did what we needed you to do. You can have the wallet back now."

I am getting a tad bit scared now and part of me wants to shy away and just do nothing. Make no moves. What if it's the wrong thing? My father (I had to call and tell him and seek his approval as usual- uggh) crunched the numbers. Told me I am getting old. Better hurry up and do something fast. Gotta get that retirement plan. I should be out of debt by the time I am 60 if I move quick. The years go fast he said. Made me afraid a little. He was shrinking my life before my eyes. I know he has my best interests in mind. I know to a certain extent I need to think about the future- but I don't want to live for the end of my life. I want to live for the now. And I want him to do the same. I don't think life goes quite so fast if you are not living for the future. He has spent so much time living for retirement.... can't go there now, can't feel sad for him. I send him love and light and move back on to my own journey.

At the core, I don't think it matters what career path I choose. The work I do I will do despite where I am doing it. And when I had my awakeneing I was given one task, one order, and that was to, "Document, document, document." It didn't matter how. For a while it was through pictures, then poetry, then painting. It didn't matter how. I just have to get it all down. I just have to bear witness.

My daughter's dance recital was this weekend. They had it at a Church. When we got the call about the wallet my husband said he had asked God to find it for him when he was in the Church. It was strange. My husband has always been so science and math oriented. He has always had great debates with Church goers. When I was going to a Unitarian Universalist Church pretty regularly last year, I'd beg him to join us and he wouldn't, citing that it was not his thing. So, it made me smile when he told me this. Maybe there was another reason this happened as well, to help him to find some faith. It also made me smile and giggle as I imagined him saying, "Hey listen I know I don't come and see you at all but as long as I'm here for the recital would you mind getting my wallet for me? Thanks buddy. Good looking out." lol.

Anyway, I just feel so grateful. So grateful for the wallet being back, the crib being fixed, our health, our children, all of that. And so blessed to have such a life with such bright signs showing me the way. Such warm receptions when I find my way back onto my Path. Such easy to read symbols. I love this life. I enjoy putting the pieces together. I get such a kick out of the challenge and interpretting all the messages. Great messages of Light.

It is all so beautiful. And down deep in the core of it all, it is such great fun. For all of us, it is a great game and we play because we like it. Sure it might get frustrating when we get stuck at a certain part or lose our map or forget the rules, but how joyous when we get through it and to the next level. We need to remember that- this is supposed to be fun!!!!

I seem to require less sleep lately. I sleep for 4 or 5 hours and I am fine, which adds more hours to my day. I think I will go watch the sunrise now.

Love Love Love!!!!!!!