Realities

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Seeing you again exposed my feelings
Feelings that I just can't seem to shake
Like those three strips of rubbery glue behind
Address labels on magazines sent in the mail
That stay stuck to the tips of your fingers
I can't shake you, I can't shake me, I can't shake us
Now when I see you, you appear to be not of this earth
I once took you to be an angel sent to bless me with your presence
But angels don't reject those whom they are sent to bless
It's not the first time I've felt the pain of rejection
But the vulnerability you must see in me is embarrassing
Being vulnerable is alright for those in committed relationships
However, what is a blessing to the unconditionally accepted
Becomes a cruel curse to the eternally rejected
Rejection is my religion and vulnerability is my dogma
Going insane from the lonliness, I see crazy contradictions
As if I'm standing still, as stationary objects fly past me.

I feel so inspired by stars, not one in particular
But there is always a star that first catches my eye
The instant I see it twinkling in the twilight sky
That, in forcing me to notice it, causes me then
To turn my gaze up and towards the heavens and
Then I see...oh, I see so many stars
Hundreds if I could only keep count
Thousands if I had eyes like an eagle
Millions that I feel simply by intuition
Billions of which I'm undeniably part because I feel
A heavy tugging sensation deep inside, almost like pain
The pulling of each single individual atom of my body
Towards the unknown, and the relatively equal force
Keeping me here, continually pushing me down and down
Closing each door until I'm left with only the known
Though it's not stars that make me feel so, but you
Your name is the mantra of my heart's beating.

I still continue to be drawn to you...why?
Is what I feel just fallout from unrequited love?
Could I be teetering on the edge of obsession?
Did our lives reconnect for a reason, or by chance?
I wasn't even aware of the time we had been together
You needed to remind me that we had a past connection
But why did our life paths intersect, and why now?
I can't believe it was for no other reason
Than to leave me crying with a broken heart
I want to believe there is something more to it than
You showing me a different side to human spirituality
I know that is not something to be taken lightly
Since it, like you, has positively changed my life
In fact, my whole reality has changed because of you
But like it or not, I also fell in love with you
Sad shame that I have no one with whom to share my love
You've said you just don't feel the same way about me.

I would give anything to be able to change that reality.

Daniel James Hennell, 2007