Clearing

I have found myself clearing a great deal of emotional debris these past few days and in the process, I realized that something has shifted. In times of deep change and restructuring in the past, I don't think I had a lucid awareness of how amazing the process was/is. I used to feel separate from myself and so scared of the intensity of my emotions and from this fearful place, I would latch on to the old feelings of 'deserving' the sadness/pain/drama/abuse, thus feeling like it was never going to end. For many years now, I have immersed myself in deep self therapy and reevaluation, so while I was consciously bringing the pain to the surface, I was in fact breaking the cycle. Having experienced painful emotional and physical abuse as a child, my mind told me I was worthless and undeserving of love but I've always held on to a deep seated knowing that I was a loving and loveable being with much to offer.

What struck me today is the realization that after many years of this 'knowing' and reaching out to that whole part of myself, I have lovingly and painstakingly glued the pieces back together to find my center. As they say, it's not the destination but the journey that matters - it's evident that through the deep (and often painful) experiences of self discovery, there is much courage needed but the rewards of finding yourself along the way make the scenery breathtaking.