Where did I go? Where did everything I know go? Where am i going?

Everything is falling away. In that I mean everything I am used to. There is nowhere left to hide. All the things that are part of my personal illusion that are not serving my highest good are being what feels like ripped away. All the things i didn't want to except or change are changing with or without my earthly permission. I know this is what I realy want but I have to say this is REALY painful!! All the things I dont want to let go of are leaving, all the judgment I thought I didn't have is being revealed in not so nice ways, I have absolutly no way to stay where I am. I am being forced to deal with issues I don't want to. I am being forced to grow and I can't lie to myself anymore and you know what? The things I am finding about myself are not things I want to deal with. And all the ways of coping and running do not exist anymore. I have to look in the mirror and i am going threw dramatc change and learning hard lessons after lessons. Everything I wanted before I want no more. I dont know how to be. All I know is gone and its just me here and I dont know where I fit. I do however know I am right where I need to be and all is perfect timing. I have just never felt like this before and I am scared shitless! I do still find joy and peace and for that i am grateful but I just hope I don't have to much more changing to do because I am out of steam! I need a breather from this ascention thing sometimes I wish I could opt out of this human expierence it hurts!! I cant wait to get to the other side so I can ask why the heck I chose to go through this stuff! Can't depart from planet Earth yet though, I have 3 awesome children who think I am great even when I don't and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful that in my despaire I can vent here and not be judged. Good thing too cause I cant spell worth a crap! Sorry! hahahaha!

I know This to shall pass!!!
Love you ALL! Even Me!
Love Kim