WHAT CAN I DO BUT POUR MY HEART OUT

HI all.i am asking for divine guidance right now and any healing anyone has would be great.
i am writing this as i have noone to turn to anymore and i am so lonely.i have split up with my partner recently and lost the house and her and my son and i am back at my mums where i am not wanted by anybody.i am not coping well at all in fact i am at the point right now where i am trying to stay alive and block out the thoughts of suicide.i am just drinking all the time and smoking and really cant cope and every single day there is another hurt for me awaiting and i find it so hard to get up in the morning now as i really dont want to know what awaits me the next day.i would usually just pack my bags and run but i have no money to do that anymore so i am forced to stay here in the misery and this horribl situaytion.i prey so hard and nothing comes of it at the moment and i am usually faithful but i am losing it.i have lost alot of interest in learning and things and i feel this is me losing my faith.i askl myself everyday how long will i have to do this for.im sure noone can help but i am writing this as i feel i have to and i dont know y.my life is in serious danger i feel it and i am trying to stay positive but for every positive there are 2 negatives that come into me.there are millions of people in the world and so many of us are alone i mean is this right?
im tired emotionally and i keep thinking what can i do to stop this but nothing.i work from home so all my m8s are at work and i hate to burden people and my life has been so very difficult up 2 now and i think to myself i am 20 years old and i have seen the pain in myself and others who are older than me and i think do i really want another 20 or 30 years of pain.im the sort of person when somthing is wrong with the worl i get very hurt and the truth is i dont know what i am supposed to do anymore and to be honest i just want to go home and i mean my real home spirit and just be one with others there.i have noone to blame but myself and i am not going to blame god or any other person or force as this is me and my problems and noone created them but me and well i cant go around life not knowing what i am about and my divine life purpose.my heart hurts and i hold back those tears but sumtimes they just come.im not saying i ahve had a bad childhood as i have not but i grew up faqst due to things that have happened and well i ahve made alot of mistakes early on and had to learn from them but am i really learning from them as i keep fighting.i just dont know how long i can fight for as things are just too hard and im not saying its just my current situation and my state as i have felt like this for 11 years and it never goes and i am so sick of fighting now.sorry to put this on everyone xx