Modern Medicine

I have an operation at 2:30 this afternoon, I'm quite nervous about it, so I thought I'd write it down somewhere. I doubt that will help things but oh well. I have a Varicocele, its a varicose vein on the left side of my pelvis that's causing one of my testicles to swell and is quite uncomfortable.
anyways I'm really nervous about the notion of someone cutting me open that close to my genitals.
Also, I've been sick since friday, some sort of stomach bug, I'm really freaked out that im too sick for the general anesthaesic (thats a weird word can't spell it). I've had a fever for a few days. I think its subsided but im still not feelign all that great, and on top of that im really anxious which is making me a bit naueseous.

I'm having a lot of difficulty keeping myself calm and positively oriented lately. I think a great part of it is anxious energy about this.
I really hope that after this whole ordeal I'll feel relieved and be able to get back to myself.

I just don't like the thought of not being fertile at all... I have plans. Plans that require my left testicle to be fully functioning.

anyways, I guess thats it, I feel rather unaccomplished around here lately, I haven't logged on in months except to see if people message me (a strange neurotic habit of mine, I still even check my old blog site even though I havent written there in almost half a year).

I just wanted to get some of my energy down in words to hopefully expell some of it.