The Journey Continues...

So, life has finally settled down to a certain degree for me. I have moved to a new apartment my relative's property in a rural area. This has been somewhat of an adjustment because I was living in an actual town with my roommate/best friend and her dog. This change, however, was definitely needed because I need to live on my own. There is a lot of thinking, spiritual growth, and exploration I want to do in solitude. Beyond that, I am starting hear from the graduate schools I have applied for a helping field profession. I was accepted to one school, but I have chosen to defer for a year due to finances. In the meantime, I am slowly starting to arrange another move to the state where the school is located and work there for a year. Of course, this might all change if another possibility presents itself.

This whole process has been surprisingly bumpy, confusing and sometimes downright frustrating. For instance, my first choice school was located in a southern city which I absolutely love and desperately wanted live there. I first visited the city a year ago and felt an amazing connection with the place. For months afterwards, all I could think about was the warm sultry weather, the music, the culture and archecture. I am not sure if this was a past life memory, but I was homesick for a place I had visited only once.

When I started applying to graduate schools, the school located in that city became my first choice. I was certain I would be accepted without a problem and saw signs that indicated this was true. Besides that, I meditated, visualized and prayed upon my pending acceptance until my entire being radiated with the certainty of this future reality.

I cannot tell you how shocked I was when I received my rejection letter from this school's admission's office. Logically, I could not fathom how I was rejected from my number one school was ranked 56th in the country, but I was accepted and wait listed by schools in the top 20 best programs (based upon US News and World Report). Spiritually, I could not understand how my normally reliable intuition could be so wrong? Was it possible I misread the signs? If so, how can you tell what is a real sign or a fake one? Finally, if we are responsible for creating our own realities (and have free-will ), why did the reality I envision never take place? My mom says that it is because 'I was not meant to go there.' If this is the case, how does the Law of the Attraction work with fate or destiny?

Then, I look at the big picture and realize I received the important things I asked for: accepted to a graduate program which is highly ranked which is in an area I lived before and love. I am much further along on my journey then a year or six months ago when the thought of filling an application filled me with dread. Maybe this is process and triumph, but I am missing it because it is not presented in package I had handpicked for myself. My mom actually reminded me this morning of my tendency to focus on what I don't have versus what I do have. I think she is right. I need to be grateful and have faith that fate or destiny has a hand in this- even though I have no clue how this works. Maybe I never will...