Ramblings and syncronicity

I know! I always choose this category.. probably the empath in me LOL! It has been a crazy week around here. My critters are very active. When the dogs are outside, the cats chase each other and imaginary, or not so, dustspecks. Kitten runs around chasing her tail, bouncing off walls and woodwork and occasionally adds a new run to the fabric covering the front door. Leo the puppy is busy nursing on my chair - if he sucks any harder he may inhale the whle thing! It's bad enough I have no intact pillows left on it... as they all have holes that appear to have been eaten by a large moth. Oliver is laying around somewhere, fanning himself with his extremely short bob tail and probably thankful that Leo is not trying to "play" with him.

I am having a hard time telling waking hours from dreams, they are kind of all running together. Conversations I have with people at night seem so real. Interactions seem to be happenning to me in reality... but then I wake up and have to try and figure out what happened or didn't happen.

I have been concentrating on trying to re-member and am having a hard time getting anything concrete. Glimpses here and there, some have meanings and others don't - which is kind of funny actually, or ironic maybe as it is mirroring what I am going through in today's life/existence.

I had my one year review yesterday for the new "career" in sales - it was ok, not spectacular..just ok. Which then lead me to think, well, why wasn't it great? And admitting to myself I was probably slacking this last year on the job front, but being ok with that because I had to take the time to get myself to this spiritual place and get my brain around what has been happenning. It is so ironic, because just when I was ready to pull out the want ads, I started getting calls and emails from people I had either talked to earlier in the year or emailed throughout the year, so I know spirit will take care of me, but I can't slack... it still requires effort on my part. I think sometimes, I feel like I deserve to have it easy, because of all the hard work that has gone into the last 15 years, and then I realize that living correctly is not about doing hard work really, it is about doing the right thing - and in reality takes no more effort to achieve what you want in life.

So, I keep plugging along, beautifying my surroundings... and no I don't mean materially.. my yard, taking care of my home, surrounded by pics of family and friends and critters and keeping it clean and all of my wonderful 2nd hand furniture, because I can't bear to not put it to use- I hate seeing things discarded that could be re-used in some other fashion...

Feeding the critters outside - listening to the birds happily chirping in the trees and laughing at the antics between the squirrels and the dogs as they try to eat sunflower seeds and not get eaten by furry large dogs.

Feeling this inate desire lately to pare down my "things" - books, video tapes, craft supplies and in some instances friends and aquaintances. The things that don't quite seem to fit into my life anymore.

I am blessed to be surounded by people who love me and am so blessed to have found all of you on this site... it is so great to feel accepted finally and not having to hide who I really am, all aspects, warts and all. This last period of cleansing has been intense. The crying fits, the numbness at times, seeking answers, sometimes getting them and sometimes not, knowing that I am on the wrong path if I am not hearing anything. Knowing I can accomplish whatever I want to and no, I dont' need help doing it. Although sometimes it is nice to have someone actually take out the garbage or do the dishes without having to be asked!

Anyhow. thank you! Love, Karen