Here Today

I am feeling lonely; but it is a good feeling for a sort of reverse reason, for me. It is good because for a long time I negated that feeling, pushing it away and deciding it was not really me and I would not be bothered with it. Denial of it gave me more reason to be who I thought I was and allowed me to bask in the fact that I had lots of friends, a husband who loved me, I thought, and kids who completed my life. I thought I had all those things, but I didn't because they are all gone. Kids are still there, but they too have not completed me. That job I have taken on myself even though I didn't recognize that would be my new 'career', till it was too late to back out.
Never realized Ascension Technology would hit me over the head but it has and forced me slowly to peeling away most of my fabricated self and showed more and more of my real self. Not that I could cope with that either for a long time, but am doing much better now.
Today at dinner, felt my absolute loneliness and apparent lack of future. No assets, no possessions even, no place of my own and not much of a career left though I do enjoy thoroughly the work I still do. It being part time gives me lots of time to seek out more of myself if not the money to live as I would like, but all in all, I am in a good place physically, I really truly cannot complain though it would be easy to do so. My feeling made me cry though not in a way anyone else at the table could see it. I welcomed the emotion, and let it flow where it wanted without disrupting anything or anyone. I felt how I would love to be held; be special to someone and be with a new partner. I experienced much the same feeling earlier today, while out shopping. Just me, in a place full of couples and families. I felt sadness and fear at being alone come over me, but it was more of a child-like feeling and I knew how to comfort that quite easily. It dissolved.
The fact I can feel, accept and solve these incidents all by myself with power and dedication, is a sign of progress. The reality of a new life with people to love and be close to must not be that far away, anymore!