lightawake's blog

i am not as insignificant as i would have me believe~
...the greatest saints had the same ambitions and weaknesses as me!
i have within me everything my soul desires to be
i have within me everything my soul desires to do

...the greatest souls had the same strengths and fears as me!
whether i know it yet or not
i am no different.
i am as great as you, as you are me.

i had a thought which i quite liked...
my healer had told me to surf more (which i love) in order to get my body more familiar with the feeling of joy.

i recently had a culmination of thoughts which ended in this - that this difficult thing called ego, is not really what we have been saying it is.

i had a dream last night, while meditating..im not sure if that is what it wuld usually be called, but. i read another person`s blog which reminded me! i dont remember much but i wanted to record what i do remember.
i connected with my higher self using khallaweh`s technique. the first time i met my angel self as my human self. but this time, it was my angel self from the beginning, and in the fountain was what seemed like a string of giant, pastel blue, but dirty encrusted opals, twice my height. it came out, we sat on the bench and talked. and it flew up into the clouds far above, where i suddenly saw a giant flash and fingers of bright white golden light penetrating the clouds. the light was heading back down, and a great majestic light, golden dragon with giant beautiful gentle eyes and armour of gold descended down to me. then we flew up into the sky together, through the clouds, down over the surface of the seas, up past the clouds into the sunlight where clouds were below us. as we played, flying around throughthe air, everything new that i tried, the dragon followed suit and stayed protectively by my side. the purpose was for me to play and fly in the sky. eventually we landed back by the bench and young generic angels with shoulder-length thick strawberry blonde hair appeared, one by one, semingly identical. there were perhaps 10 of them which appeared aroudn the dragon, and the dragon disappeared, and i realised it had been the angels all along.

i am learning i am learning i am remembering who i really am
yet so used am i to earthly ways, as foreign as they feel, i am used to my disguises and to be truly me is something tentatively done, in little pockets of safety such as this one where at least there will be love and support.
my name is ayla theurl i am an angel here on earth. many lives i have lived, having forgotten who i really was, much tiredness do i carry in this body from ages. and slowly i awaken to myself. my light i will see as much as i can bear, my love i will spread as much as i can bear this is in small steps as i get used to who i really am.

so it seems, things like purpose should be a private thing to some extent, a bit like how in the real world people do not voice their spirituality. i have sat iwth it for a day and have come to this site and well, i just kind of get the feeling i should write about it here, so again here goes!

oh, first i have to digress a bit.
of the angels around me who i can sense, there are metaron, mary, jesus, rochel, chamuel, recently uriel, and as i often call him, michael. they are even always standing in the same general place. i have found that any question i pose is answered tremendously quickly, like in a day, and also that i seem to be getting a bit psychic (i keep guessing correctly what colours people are wearing scarily accurately)! my hearing has become more sensitive and i notice i hear ringing sounds, what i see in my meditations i consider real, and best of all, every time an angel joins me i cannot help shuddering! thats really interesting for me because ive never felt things working like this before. anyway, so.

well, it happens sometimes that i feel down, and i just wanted to keep a track of my thoughts...
my new friends from the last two months -four of them there are - are all going overseas and disappearing. others i have met online we have hit it off, then suddenly they no longer seem to be around. i feel so lonely sometimes - though if i go past the emotions then i know it must just be an illusion of separation; i dont know, as a human experience i guess i indulge in feeling lonely. i have always wished for having a group of friends around me, who would know what i was up to and vice versa, pop around to each others places without calling and hang out...but ive never had that. i dont understand why. i was thinking, if i look at it the other way, i has given me space (lots) to grow at my own spiritual rate, to ponder a lot, to meditate. maybe thats why.

hi everyone,
i just thought, there is this movie that i really really really love - it gently brings up the need for universal love - embodied in the heroine`s character, and shows the destructivity and futility of how people tend to be caught up in self-survival mode at the expense of others and of nature.

im being spontaneous, yeeha~! little steps but sure steps, and im being myself la la~!
sprinkling little dusts of light in my wake, lighting up people`s eyes!
so much fun, and the air lightens and sparkles with love expressed!

you know i was feeling so full of scrambled energies this last two weeks, and always so tired and unable to concentrate..i thought it was just because i was going through a period of realisation and with all the increased sensitivity to energies - but i read about summer solstice (well, winter over here^^) and the effects it can have - and it explains everything that i was feeling!!! i wrote a thank you on the thread too, but thank you~! (sorry, i cant remember who it was that posted it...but thanks!!). since about yesterday, the scrambling - sort of like being in the middle of a sandstorm - has begun to subside and i can concentrate again!