corin93's blog

Hello all of my wonderful, bright, shiny Star people,

Just checking in. I've been offline for a few weeks now. It seems that alignments have been accelerating over the last several weeks. The Universe has been offering me the opportunity in multitudes to rectify past issues and traumas, both individual and collective, if there is such a distinction. My addictions have almost come to a halt, though they are still on one level or another flirting with me. I've also gone much deeper in conversation with close family members. It seems the energy now is conducive to healing and releasing old and outdated programmings. I'm also catching a hint from my guides that the laborious clearing activities I would have had to do in the past, are not longer as necessary as they were. Dark energy stored in my body seems to be releasing itself at a much more rapid rate. I've been feeling "lighter" in more ways than one. This is good. This is real good, considering that in my core, I prefer the attitude of surrender than the attitude of laborious action. Call me lazy, but I'm so relieved that things don't seem to take as long to process. I know it could be a phase, but thank the sweet Source, that it is happening now. It's been a tumultuous several months, so I welcome this break.

Can you accept me or can I accept you as I am and as you are?
As we stand tight on our patch of earth and sky, can we be ourSelves?
Without shame and without fear. Just the Truth of our beings.

Will you accept me for who I am? And Will you accept You?
Ugly and tiny, mighty and big?
Conflicting harmony of our Selves, within and without. Inside and Out.
Me and you and me again. Lost in a lover’s embrace.

Wondering if some of you can help confirm something for me. Since the last 11:11 activation, I have been inundated with seeing 22’s and 33’s everywhere. Mostly 33’s. Actually, any of multiples of 11 or triplicates of the same number, ie, 333,444, etc, have been happening at a much more rapid pace. These have virtually replaced my resonance with 11:11, though those still come around. I have read a lot about the synchronicities of the numbers, and have done work with my own guides, but I think it would be great to get some other impressions about this. Also, if anyone has any additional tools that I can utilize to further integrate the communication within my being, please let me know.

Anyone else finding that they can't pretend with people anymore? Damn, if I just don't have the energy to hold up a public patina anymore. I used to fancy this trait as one of my greatest allies. Now, it seems to be in slumber, and I am exposed and vulnerable to the world. Old facades are falling away, and I am really pissing off the people who are closest to me. My sister, dear sister, the only person left who has known me from the beginning of this life, was someone that I had hoped to be able to keep up the mask for. Causing ripples is painful for someone like me who has spent so much time "looking good", at the expense of telling the Truth.

Today I just got braces put on my teeth. It's my second go at them, because my first time around at them at age 15 didn't take. I'm now 35. Wasn't sure why I felt the need to get them again, and I questioned whether if my vanity was worth the high cost. Well, as it turns out, I have had a bigger spiritual awakening today than I've had in years. My last few blog entries have been notes from my Self telling me to chill out. Telling me not to fret about what my ego thinks about me.

Well Corin, I see that you have taken last night's lesson and done virtually nothing with it. Just kidding, I'm just saying that, because I know that's how your surface mind feels. Believe me when I say that you are on the path, on the right one, becuase ultimately My Beloved, there is no wrong path. Any path will lead you to where you already stand...In the Light, and Wholly Divine. Choose the short cut, or the long cut. It's your choice, and it doesn't matter to me. You are in the Light no matter how you want to slice and dice it. Remember back in the old days when you would work so hard and diligently sit for hours in meditation? Remember how those extreme practices would only be able to make you aware of but a glimpse of what you feel today now in mere seconds...Peace, Harmony, and the Casualness of Being? That, my intimate friend, is progress. Drink from The Well as often as you see fit. Bliss in seconds, seems like a good deal to me. Take from The Well because it's not going anywhere, whether you like it or not. Hopefully, you like it.

A Love Note from the SELF:

What if I were to tell you that you are already done with your work. That everything that you have ever needed or needed to be was already here, merged within you....and then some. Would you believe me if that's what I said? Would you surrender to the truth of your being in that instant, and allow your fullness to completely enthrall you? I didn't think so, because I have told you this many times, yet you still find cute little ways to reject the Truth. The games of "unworthiness" and "self-doubt" that you play are the tools that you've developed to feel like you've worked for your Wisdom, Peace, and Harmony. WORK, WORK, WORK...release this antiquated collective unconscious motto. Instead...SURRENDER, SURRENDER, SURRENDER...there is nothing to be done. Surrender to Love and stop kicking your own ass about it. Unless, for some reason, you still think it's fun.

I know I shouldn't be stunned, but I am stunned at the comments so many of your wrote. I am also glad that not one of you gave me the canned Nancy Reagan "say no" approach. I was so afraid to tell the truth of where I am at with my process amongst others who are aware of the spiritual moment. I was afraid that the comments would confirm the "I'm not worthy" thoughts that I have in regards to living completely in spiritual love. All of the warm messages that you sent helped to confirm something for me. I read a lot of "no guilt", "no shame" messages, and that is truly the best info that I could have received. So much of the misery and shame that I feel about it, is in fact, self-generated. I have been working on letting go of my inner-tyrannical voice, so your comments are giving me validation that a bigger issue I should look at rather than the smoke and the drink, is how I treat myself during the process. When my daughter spills something, or breaks something, or when she was falling all the time when she was learning to walk, it never occurrs to me to diminish her or make her feel ashamed or guilty for not having all of her shit together. I have to remember, that I am myself still a child, and to learn to tap into the the unconditional lover within, whose voice I am so adeptly able to embody when looking at others who are in the midst of suffering (I'm a therapist, by the way), yet when it comes to myself, I all of a sudden have elaborate and high expectations. I've gotten a lot better over the years, and it has been difficult. The family that I had this lifetime included a very strict, violent, demanding father figure. At times, I can be as brutal to myself as he was to me when I feel that I am anything other than golden. These opportunities, when I find that my projection of the golden statue that I have built for myslef is showing signs of smudges and scratches (ie. drinking and smoking), are absolutely the best times for me to address the inner-tryant. Once again, thanks to all of you who have shared your inspirational words with me. It's good to know I am not alone in the process, and that there are so many of you out already there that can be so good at non-judgement. I'm loving it, and I feel like I definitely chose the right forum to get real and adress my shadow.

Don't belong to many groups, as my spiritual journey for the last almost 20 years has been so personal and individual. I know I have something to do with the new wave of energy upon us, but it is difficult to stay consistent in this belief. I am not surrounded by folks who are of like mind, though those closest to me are from what I can see, still on the path of ascenscion whether they call it that or not. Needless to say, I've done plenty of research in the books, am semi-adept and knowlegable about most spiritual/new age topics, and have had my fair share of celestial experiences, to know that something is going on that I feel the URGE to be part of. In my nature I am a skeptic as well as a believer, but at some point the skepticism becomes a hinderance instead of an asset. I feel that I am at the threshold to a new awakening, but the initiation that I am currently enduring is quite treacherous. I find myself lost in bizarre "addictions" that have not been enticing for many years. Of all things, I am smoking cigarettes, which I can't help but to feel ashamed about. I haven't smoked in this capacity for almost 15 years and it literally seems as if it is coming out of nowhere. That along with my liking for the wine, is taking it's toll on my spiritual self-esteem, if you know what I mean. I feel like I've taken several steps forward, just to take what seems like 10 steps back. I can only hope that this is part of my process and that this period is headed towards a much deeper clearing. I feel alone in this process physically, though my guides are clearly here for me when I bite the bullet enough to connect with them, even in my current state of feeling unworthy. The basic 12 step program isn't going to help me here. I feel like every day I am realizing more about why this is currenlty coming up for me, but it doesn't stop the self doubt. Everyday I ask for clarity and strength to overcome those things that I know are stopping my progress. It reminds me of when I was in a relationship with a man/boy that I knew wasn't for me, but I continued my relationship with him because I was afraid of the responsibility of what would come next. I knew that I would find the man that I would marry after him, and it scared the shit out of me to think about that kind of committment. I stayed with the innappropriate boyfriend, mostly out of the fear of growing up. Five years later, I am pretty happily married with an awesome rockstar for a toddler. I was brilliant for holding on to the crappy boyfried for as long as I could, because I've never had to step up to my Light more than I do now with my current relationships and responsibilities. With great things, comes great responsibility. Perhaps, that is why my addictions are coming back to me. Perhaps they are here just for the false hope that I may not have to grow fully into the light consciousness that I am to become. If that is what's happening, then I am excited about what comes next. My life has never been better after I let go of my old life with the innappropriate boyfriend, and I am praying for a similar effect once I renew my commitment to my health and spiritual well-being.